SickPig T.T

Nobody bothers how much you care, until they know how much they mean to you.


I'm getting sick again ); ~ this feeling rlly sucks. I rmbr whenever I'm sick, I'm at least happier lying on the bed w someone to takecare of me. Will anyone bring me to the doctor or care abt me, putting icepads on my forehead now? Haha, idk how it rlly feels to be taken care of, to be cared for. ;) . I know I'm independent for now, nomatter what happens to me, I'll take good care of myself. I'll be strong ，and do my best. Even If I know nobody rlly cares, I will still strive on myself ;D

K-issgoodbyez
Kumi.C

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

True meaning of love

You've to accept my worst in order to deserve my best.

I had a great talk w my pri sch childhood friends today. It feels rlly great to put down everything and have heart to heart talks! :)

Somehow, i realised the true meaning of love. In my relationships, i tend to be really sensitive, but serious. I rmbr when i first started having a crush on my 1st ex, i was rlly excited everyday i see him. Whenever we go outing, i'll have a sleepless night the night before. I was like, omg, we can be together, what can i do to make him notice me. I really was madly in love w him. Nomatter what he's my first love. We get together from friends to lovers. That's the most sweetest part. We got to know each other flaws and attitude, character etc..The sweetest feeling coming from this relationship lasted no longer than 1yearhalf. I was rlly upset due to the breakup. But everything was worthwhile.

However, now i was rlly heartbroken due to my second failed relationship. I was crying to myself everyday, why did he left me? Why? I blamed him for looking at other girl. I felt rlly jealous at that point of time. Now i realised, actually when we met in audition, both of us were rlly upset, we picked each other up from those sad relationship and becum couple straight away. Even b4 meeting each other. The fact is we didnt get to know each other well, learning to understand each others' character and flaws, we immediately get into relationship. That sweet feeling was no longer there. I wasnt rlly in love i guess. Thats the first mistakes i've made. Thats when everything went wrong, even how much we tried accepting each other flaws, we still quarrelled. Not bcuz we are unhappy, is bcuz of th lack of understand. My heart never beats that fast when i saw you. But after longer time, i slowly learn to accept your presence in my life. By then i understand what you demand from me. Thats my character.

To me, i wont change my character, if you like me, you've to accept me at my worst, so that i'll be at my best. Thats me, i'm such a straightforward person, who afraids to be hurt, wanting all attention just for me. I dont want my boyf to look at other girls. Thats the real lindy lai. In actual fact, i'm not a very emo person, but i tend to be sensitive and think aload. I can be friendly, i can be emo just to seek for your care and concern. Even how much i said i love you, i cant be sure how much love can i give you. I've this insecurity when i dont know you well. Thats why i'll mention breakups. Now, i cried not bcuz i love you too much, its bcuz you've brought too much memories in my life. You've given me so much things i've ever needed. Thanks to you, who have made me see this world. I cried bcuz i was used to your presence in my life, i was not used to you not being in my life. That's why i cried so much. When i started loving you, all my flaws come out, i cried bcuz we hadnt been friends to learn to know each other, i cried bcuz you cant accept my character.

When we broke up, i was holding onto the love just bcuz i hated you to be others. I detest you being with the girl. I'm so selfish. But now, i really wanna congratulate you for finding a girl you finally like. Now you've the sweetest in your heart. Thats how true love is. I truly blessed you and her. Even tho i may be jealous, but i believe, you both shud have the feelings for each other. For me, I hadnt really found someone i really like. But i wished that the person i like will like me too. The time will come i guess.

I believe what you feel for me is what i felt for you at this time. In actual fact, we arent in love. We're just in love for the matter of security for the matter of not to be lonely. I once told everyone, guys are jerks dont believe them. They take and leave. They play and go. But i didnt really mean my words bahs. People come and go, just bcuz they found someone better. Nomatter how much hurt we felt, nomatter how long the love lasted, if we dont know each other well, it's love's bad starting. I'm sorry tht i hadnt love you enuf.

I need time to settle feelings among myself. I deleted you cuz when im in love with you, your heart beats for someone else. Nomatter what, my crush for you has been gone. Even tho my heart feels pain now, it'll go away.

k-issgoodbyez
Kumi.C

I've

Time will not cause you to forget the pain, it'll only help you to get used to the pain. As time passed, i've learnt ways to numb the pain - FML :)

Recently I've been really crazy zi-lianing with my girls . Life has been full of laughters now, kind of . Nomatter what I'm contented now. Idk what will happen next moment, I may suddenly die , or just sleep and nv wake up, bt I know I'll live my life to the fullest :)

K-issgoodbyez
kumi.C

Goodbye is a painful way to say "iloveyou"

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

Argh, i didnt update my blog for so long! Hahaha. I heard loads about you, tears was somehow gnna come out from my eyes, but i held it back. Wonder how are you right now. Haha, it doesnt matter perhaps. I hate to cry, so i wont anymore. If i knw you're happy, i'll be happy. I guess so. Slowly, i'm getting over everything. I dont wanna be a useless bitch who just know how to cry. Nah, i cannot be that weak. Imma strong woman. xDD!!

We looked at the same sky, we stared at the same moon. But why are you so far away. We're like two people from different world. I hate to say but i miss you.

K-issgoodbyez
Kumi.C

Jealousy kills

LOL. These few days i really stay out late all night haha. The time ie spent in school is much more than the times i'm at home. I'm glad ;) Somehow always i turned on facebook. I always see so much girls surrounding him, commenting. Every single one of them is girl. Hahaha, should i even be jealous? Lol. You're not related to me anymore. But seriously, somehow, a pain is killing me deep inside. Fk it. LOLOLOL. Once, to me you matters more than everyone else. Now, idk. Idk that when i left you, you seems to be more free, knowing more girls day by day. HAHA. I thought that in th past i was rlly obstructing you. LOL. Now, i dont even msg a guy HAHAHA. To me, i wonder if i can trust anyone. Somehow, a voice inside is telling me hey, you see this girl. OMG, images of those girls keep appearing in my eyes. Suck hardcore bloody asshole! Idk if i can really hold on till so long. I guess, in no time, you've nice love once again. :)! I had to say, congratulations. I'm jealous, you win. ;)

k-issgoodbyez
Kumi.C

I can't say I miss you.

Why do ie feel so lonely all of a sudden. I'm starting to miss you so much again. Why do I keep having false illusions, when will I ever stop missing you . I rlly detest this feeling. I know it's wrong, I should just stop. I wanted to but I can't help it. I wish I just disappear right now, that I don't have to think about you. Worst of all is I don't even know if you missed me. I'm just so stupid right now, missing someone who doesn't miss me at all. Are those msgs on fb and msn meant to me? Or someone else ? I rlly don't get it. I'm strting to tear up again. Argh! I need alcohol ); ~ oright. I should just stop everything plz .

我不想抱着这种没希望的感情，但我真的好想好想你。不顾你心里到底有没有我，但我还傻傻的把感情放在我心里的最深处，当你爱上了别人，我会一直祝福你，虽然会难过，我想没有什么难关我没经历过。

假如我们在路上遇到的话，当我看见着你女朋友时，我会当做没看见你们。我会笑着离你而去，忍着泪水，走到远处，安静的流泪。

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Nightmares

HAHAH. welcome to Lindy's Theorical Lessons again! :) LOL. Wtf name HAHAH. Nevermind. I went to cut layered hair ytd, and today alot people so shock ask me you cut your hair?! Cuz my hair is fucking short now, when tied up. Haiiiii ~ so everyone knows everybody has friends, true and fake. But how do we know who's true and who's fake? Seriously, i also dont know lah. But i'm slowly learning how cherish my own mates yep!! What i cant stand is to see fellow friend of mine getting alone, emo. Really very sad. Everyone has friends, wouldnt it be sad if someone is all alone? Like duh? Of cuz, damn lonely. I know the feeling of loneliness, it sucks terribly. ):

Ever encounter someone you wished to speak up for her but you cant? Friends influence may be what that obstruct you from speaking up. Yeah, i truely agree ~ Rlly la, friends could rlly influence you. I've encountered this friend, she damn lonely lah. Its like kelian, she doesnt have true friends at all, all fake here and there, just pretending to be her friend. I was by the side, knowing everything and just stood thr, listening to all the bad remarks about that girl. I was disgusted. Yeah, i admit i've times that i could insult people until super bad, i got insult that girl before. But not like so jialat. Damn it, what a bitch i just stood thr, and i dont speak up!? In my heart i think, whats wrong with that girl? Her looks, her appearance issit that appealing that everyone has to say her? What th fuck is wrong with people? Judging oneself by looks? Yes, she's quite irritating and always like to stick to people. But so what? Does it mean that she doesnt deserve any friends at all? Oh pls, thats rubbish ok? I often heard, huh be her friend dont want lah, so disgusting. Guys, look up and down, whr did she offended people that she deserve this loneliness. I CAN TELL PEOPLE, no one deserves to be treated like that. Just bcuz of mistakes she've done before, why cant we forgive and forget? Really need hate her/him forever? Ridiculous can? What rights do we have to decide who she can go out with, what rights do we have to badmouth so much behind her back. Nobody's perfect, she isnt too. you and i arent perfect neither. If we're rlly that perfect, than we've the rights to insult and comment on people. the problem is we arent? why cant we forget about everything and just be friends. People say friends are better than enemies isnt it? I felt so remorseful for saying things behind people's back now. I wish i could have the power to shut people up also. Cuz it's just so irritating! You not tired, i also tired can. I've the choice for not listening to people insults. I wish hor, i could also stop picking up people's flaws, which make me so disgusted, like fishmongers gossipers, and tell the whole world : YEAH, YOU ARENT BETTER YOU BITCH. STFU AND SCRAM STOP POLLUTING MY VISION. if i can do that, i will !!!

My new name : Celindee Lai .
PS: I've 4 ulcers currently in my mouth. This make me suspect i've HFM disease. This is the FIRST TIME i have ulcer on my tongue too. WTF WTF WTF WTF ..

Sorry for not being able to let go so easily. I'm the one who shud just fucking get out of your vision. I will do that. I dont wanna be like your ex, hurting you more and giving you nightmares. I've decided ~

K-issgoodbyez
Kumi.C

你看不到的天空

My partner jie shao me this song :) Nice xDD


Hellos i'm back. Many events happen recently like YOG, and National Day. During YOG relay, i saw Merly and Lyo, hahas. In fact i so excited to see Merly. She's so damn cute. How i wish i could take a photo with her. But i did took some of Merly and Lyo's photos. Damn cute der. Luckily i was sitting infront so have a clearer view of them yeap ^^. Next week thr're like 3 test currently and i havent studied any of it yet! ): Like er, not in the mood to get serious. But yeah, i know i have to la, coz i dont wanna fail. And i promised that i'll work hard also.. So yeah, i've to keep tht promise. Afterall, being a lifetime liar isnt good right? xD ! Life is currently so so for me, leading quite a busy and peaceful one bah, i dont rlly have much things to hold on to now. LOL. Oh ya, my friend tested me a personal test like ytd recess period. She ask me if i had a wish what would it be. I told her, i want my family, and friends, and my love ones to be forever with me, dont die or leave. She told me, wow. You're a persistent person who longs for forever. You fear of people leaving your side, and nomatter what you'll try to hold onto them. However, you must learn to let go of everything and continue on nomatter what happens. I totally have nothing to say at that point of time. Almost true bahs her sayings. Hahah, perhaps that's the reason why i'm so emotional? LOLOLOL. Now and then i had rlly have h2h talks with my fellow friends, and yeah, sometimes i do feel better. Somehow? :) Today i receive a fb msg, saying you wrote on my wall. I was shocked, and when i look at it. Its nothing. xDD Lindy Lai, stop it man. xD stop holding on hopes PS XD ! Mama bought me an Eeyore. It's blue and purple, i called it Tian Kong (Eng).

K-issgoodbyez
Kumi.C

FUCK YOU LIFE.

I rlly dont understand why people can stand up and continue life as normally when they had breakups. I dont know how people when they breakup, they could find another partner so easily. So they are implying that yeah, feelings are fake. FAKE RELATIONSHIP. GONE FIND NEW ONE LOR. fuck this statement. Yeah, let go find new one. It's so fucking easy to you people. So desperate to find new steady, how about changing new gf/bf everyday. Love is so amazing. When i thought about this, i went on a rage. FUCK YOU a few days back you were saying oh, i need you so much, i cannot do without you, plz stay by my side. After finding a new chick/bf , this is how you respond in your heart : aiya nevermind lah, since he/she dont want me then find new der, dont ponder over and get lost over old ex-s. Ugh, i cannot imagine what kind of person is this. STOP FAKING TO BE FAITHFUL or WHATEVER SHYT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY THAT HE/SHE DOESNT WANT ME OK, WHY NOT GIVE EACH OTHER CHANCES TO FIND A BETTER ONE. Stop saying this fucking shit infront of people. Hahh, this make me feel that this world, is so fake. What is love, its nothing. Something to dump away when you're tired, something to cherish when you're in mad hot love. Fakers scram. That is why i hate those flirters and those fakers.

Scram from my life. I'm used to being alone, and i dont need anyone's pity, or anybody to be here for me. Because i dont believe, unless some people prove it to me. I'm okay alone. I hate to cry. I hated most to see how you amaze people. I know we'll never talk to each other again. And yes, i've been searching for your name everyday. Now i think it's such a foolish thing to do. I'm glad you found a new buddy. And i'm happy you two. Well, i hope i never exist thn.

P/s : this is just how i felt. No offence. And i'm not implying to anyone. Not you my dear. I only hate it when how people break, and find new baby right away. If you're one, better not be my friend.

Believe. Miracles will happen

When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between

your fingers, remember that in those spaces you

can see my fingers locked with yours forever.

went Jp today with mum & bro. Had a great day :)

My feets are aching , due to the heels -.-

We're miles away, however it's not a perfect time to miss you .

Kumi.C

Spent my days with these babies ~

Hello, i'm back ;) Today was awesome! NDP & RHD both successful xD
Gratz to 3/7 for winning the champions in RHD concert! Hope we'll also be in the upcoming sports fiesta. Go all the way!! Yeah, i was shock when we won. But yeah, hahaha, most of the hard work goes to the PIC :) Had been rlly busy w rhd and ndp. Now i could finally relax when these burdens are gone. Yeah, back to the easy-going life again ): Aww, i hope i can stay as busy as the previous days. I hope something will crop up again. xDD, somehow, i hate the way i'm getting all lonely at home w nothing to do. Even my bro have activities la, laokui siol me -.-

LOLOLOL my lines on my palms are getting more and more which means more things for me to worry about! So cham siol! I hate my personality, worrying this and that, treating everything so seriously la pls ); . Mayb i shud just relax a lil bit ~ ~ ~ Forget soon forgot very soon forgotten. HAHAHAH. Nomatter what, i wish everybody to be happy. As long as everybody is happy, i'm contented!

i may hate the year 2010 but afterall..
Early wishing HAPPY NATIONAL DAY 2010.
this year may be the worst year for me, but i'm glad this happen, coz idk how much time i could spend w you any longer, this is the best arrangement by god. Bless you, forever :)

im afraid when i turn 16-18 my illness may come back. If i could choose, pls let me rest forever ever since. Let me sleep forever, i dont wanna wake up. Sorry for those who cared :)
K-issgoodbyezKumi.C

Achieve your own happiness

thankyou for staying by my side.
what matters to me most is my friends and my family now.
lastly, hope everyone is happy. I'll be happy too.
i've decided to let go of everything. I hope you'll be happy too :)

Hello, i've just changed url from bcos-ibelieved to this ! Heeheehee.
Alright, i'll just blog normally, maybe some vulgarities or unglam stuffs may appear here.
But i'll just be myself! Heh! As many of my friends noe i've not been in good mood nowadays, but i'm trying to cheer myself up HAHAHA. And people started telling me tht i'm noisy and stuffs -.-. I'm rlly busy now, due to NDP and RHD rehearsals. Rlly scared la, need perform infront of whole school like what! LOL. Nevermind, hope we jiayous nomatter what. HAHAHA. Ugh, everyday reach home like already 7-8 plus. Then slack awhile jiu sleep alrdy. LOL, i'm living sucha lifeless life now, but thn okay la, at least im happy. That's all that matters :)

Lol there was this funny thing that happen bfor NDP rehearsal. We Gb, fall in beside BB. Then suddenly, we heard a splitting sound LOL. Then a guy whispered to another guy. "my pants splitted" LOL. I was like standing straight and giggling so hardly, until my whole body shaking LOL. Super funny la. Then one of the guys tell that guy, what a nice place you choose to split your pants. I was laughing like a siaocharbor over thr. Idk why now, i tend to laugh and laugh. Idk have i gone crazy anot? Perhaps so ? xDD

National Day is coming . HAHAHA, idk whr shud i spent my national day at. I hope i can go mama's friend hse for a stay overnight. hehehe. Coz ya la, stay at home everyday will bored to death. HEHEHE. Now i think going out is the best way to destress. So ya! Maybe after that go shopping or what! I'm so excited to see babies lahh. Two babies thr somemore. :DDD Happy die me kayy! :PPP . Kay la, BAIBAIZ xDD

Kissgoodbye,
Kumi.C :D